The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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