Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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