My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
