i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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