Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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