Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
