you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
