he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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