i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
