Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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