If i come over, it means nothing
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Randomize
