did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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