im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
