Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
