they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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