he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
