I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
