Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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