No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
