On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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