Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
