did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
