His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
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