It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
