he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
