Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
