I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize