It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
