Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
