I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
