Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm always down for nudity.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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