put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
