i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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