i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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