i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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