since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
