i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
