Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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