no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
