i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I understand Curling. That high.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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