I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
