Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You took a bar mat shot.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
