quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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