don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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