he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
