You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You took a bar mat shot.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize