Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize