His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
