Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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