apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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