he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
