I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
