Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
