I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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