the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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