My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
