Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
