How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
