are you still at the devil's house?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
