I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
