You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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