i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
