Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
