I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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