everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
